Many studies have suggested that feeling isolated or lonely is a major risk factor for physical and mental illness later in life. It’s no wonder to me that this is true. God’s word states that “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”  Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 When we have strong friendships we do not have to carry our burdens alone, we have support to face our fears and failures, we have someone to celebrate our successes with, someone to be proud of us when we accomplish our goals and someone to gently correct us when we are on the wrong path. It also makes sense that people are more active when they have friends to share experiences with. My personal experience with a group of friends reinforces this for me.

The Donut Gang, A Love Story

I have an amazing group of supportive girlfriends and we call ourselves The Donut Gang (with the heart, donut and coffee emojis required!). My husband is retired from the Air Force but when he was active and going on deployments we had a few roommates. We decided to rent our extra bedrooms to make a little money, help a friend who needed a place to stay and to keep myself company while hubby was away. Little did I know that the three women who lived with me would become my sisters and change my life forever.

The three women who lived in our home have walked with me through the stress of college, coached me through accepting and managing my Lupus diagnosis, they withheld judgment as I struggled with depression, disordered eating habits and Lupus flare-ups, they drug me to yoga and spin classes to help me rediscover fitness, they celebrated with me the moment I had a positive pregnancy test,  they threw birthday parties, bridal showers and baby showers, and they extended so much grace to me as I muddled through the emotions of all these life events. We have all gathered around my coffee table with coffee and donuts so many mornings to hash out whatever we were going through at the time. If I tried to write a comprehensive list of all we have been through together we’d be here all day.

The point is that the four of us have walked beside each other through so many seasons of life. We pray for each other, we cheer each other on, we cry with each other, and we pick each other up when we fall. My daily life is easier to navigate because I know I have people who love me unconditionally whom I can depend on. We now all live in different states but we are still connected. We still have our coffee together in our Starbucks YOU ARE HERE mugs. We often send each other a picture, like the own below, saying “missing you, having my coffee with you this morning” with the appropriate state mug. These friendships are lasting and vital to my health because they include the following characteristics.

Good Friendships include these characteristics.

(According to Paul M Insel and Walton T. Roth in Core Concepts in Health, Eleventh Edition) 

Companionship: Friends are comfortable with each other, share common values and interests, can sense when something is wrong, and are supportive on good and bad days.

Respect: Good friends respect each others humanity, individuality, feelings, and opinions. They show respect by being honest with each other and working to resolve differences.

Acceptance: Friends are free to be themselves without fear of rejection or criticism.

Help: Friends can rely on each other when they are in need.

Trust: Friends feel safe knowing they can confide in each other and that they will not be intentionally hurt by one another.

Loyalty: Friends stand up for each other and can count on each other.

Mutuality: Friends are still individuals but they share the ups and downs in each other’s lives.

Reciprocity: There is equal give and take between friends.

Sometimes it can be so hard to put yourself out there to make friends, but it is absolutely worth it in the end. Strong friendships contribute to all aspects of your health. If you are looking to make friends find people with similar interests, beliefs, or values. Join a small group at your church, join a club, participate in a sport/exercise class, volunteer for a cause you believe in, or join discussion groups about your passions. As you build relationships, keep the characteristics of a good friend in mind. Search for these characteristics in others and work on building them within yourself. Having goods friends can be the difference between falling apart and keeping it together.

How has friendship affected your health?

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