When we are practicing intuitive eating, we typically become more aware of diet culture. We often start to notice the eating habits of loved ones in our lives, especially when they are not practicing our new way of eating and living. We often find ourselves wondering how to eat intuitively when our loved ones don’t get it.
For most of us, there is a point of struggle when we make such a huge change to our lifestyle. Navigating relationships and protecting our newfound freedom from the bondage of diet culture becomes a challenge.
It is absolutely possible to sustain the changes you have made for yourself and keep a healthy relationship while your person is still participating in diet culture. (Yes, even if your relationship was built on the the foundation of diet culture like my marriage was!)
Making the decision not to participate in diet culture includes learning how to navigate diet culture when you encounter it. For many, this includes learning how to work through challenges with your spouse, partner, or loved one.
The reality is, there will be people in your life who don’t understand what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. This can be a challenge because their diet mentality behaviors may be triggering for you. Also, the changes in your lifestyle may place strain on your relationship. In this post I am going to discuss how to protect your new way of living and keep your relationships healthy.
How to Eat Intuitively When Your Person Doesn’t Get It, Step 1
Remember Why You’re No Longer Participating in Diet Culture
When you find yourself in a challenging situation, always go back to the reason why you decided to embrace Intuitive Eating in the first place. Remember the things that motivate you to keep going and stand firm in your decision.
Have Open and Honest Conversations
1-Share why you are embracing Intuitive Eating and HAES
- Share the pain and suffering that diet culture has caused you.
- Share your belief that diet culture is not in line with God’s word and how it keeps people from living the lives God has planned for them—their best lives.
- Share the science behind HAES and IE.
2-Recognize that this change in your heart can be frustrating and confusing to your person.
- If your person knows their relationship with food, exercise and their body is unhealthy but are not quite ready to embrace an intuitive eating lifestyle, they may feel threatened by your changes.
- They may worry that you think you’re superior to them.
- They may feel like they have lost your support of their diet culture pursuits.
- They may fear losing your relationship.
Don’t Force Change Upon Your Person
We all know that we can’t make someone change. We may recognize that on an intellectual level, but perhaps we still harbor dreams of blissfully embarking on an intuitive eating journey together. I mean how awesome would that be?
While it is not wrong to pray for change and hope for change, we do need to accept that we are not in charge of that change.
It is not our responsibility to change our person, and we are not capable of changing them. They have to recognize the need for change and develop it with the Holy Spirit. But girl, don’t stop praying and hoping!
Educate Your Person
Explain why you’re doing the things you’re doing. For example, if you suddenly want to turn the TV off during dinner, explain to your person that you would like to do this so you can eat more mindfully and be more in tune with your body.
Set Boundaries
It may take a while for your person to understand how their participation in diet culture affects you. It is very important that you communicate your thoughts, feelings and needs. Establishing healthy boundaries with your person is essential to your relationship and your journey toward food peace and body acceptance. Setting boundaries may include:
- Advocating for yourself
- Being specific and direct
- Clear communication about your needs
- Speaking up when something’s not working
Stay Connected to Support
Whether you have the support of your person or not, it is vital that you stay connected to like-minded people who can encourage your journey and help keep you focused.
This may include joining a support group (in person or online), regularly meeting with a professional, having some accountability partners, taking an Intuitive Eating course, and/or talking to a trusted friend. You may also find support in following IE, HAES, Christian social media accounts, listening to podcasts, reading books and articles, subscribing to newsletters, or using Intuitive Eating apps.
Don’t Compare Your Journey to Someone Else’s
Comparison is a death-trap. Period.
Yes, there may be couples who are embracing this journey together and their lives look so much easier.
But PLEASE remember that God has a unique plan for all of us. He gave us our gifts, talents, and abilities. He uses all of our experiences and the people around us for our good.
Always ask how God is using this situation to grow you. Stay curious about how this will be used for good. Stay appreciative of the positive parts of your journey and know that God will use the not-so-great parts if you let Him.
How To Eat Intuitively When Your Person Doesn’t Get it, Step 2 (The Actual Eating)
Honor Your Hunger
This principle can look different for every person, every family, and every season of life. You have to try things out until you figure out what works for you and your family and then be open to changing things as you experience different life seasons.
For example, my almost two year old son and I are usually hungry for dinner around 6pm but my husband doesn’t often get home until around 7pm. It is important to me that we eat as a family, but it’s also important to me that we honor our hunger and don’t feel stressed (hangry) waiting for a meal.
I have figured out that I can sit and eat a portion of dinner with my son at 6. Then, put the food in the warming drawer and play until Dad gets home. Finally, we can sit down to dinner with my husband at 7 and eat a bit more. This really works for my family. It allows everyone to honor their hunger and provides family-style meals for everyone.
If eating with your person at a specific time is important to you, honor that value. But, remember to honor your hunger as well. If you’re hungry before that time, have a snack to hold you over. If you’re not very hungry at meal time, eat something lighter, knowing that you can eat more when you’re hungry again later.
Eat What You Want
You want to make sure that there is something for everyone on the menu. Meal planning and grocery shopping become really helpful here.
When I am deciding on meals for the week, I ask myself, my husband, and our aunt and uncle (whom we share a home with) what sounds good to them. I also consider Jack’s taste preferences and make sure there is at least one thing in each meal that each person likes.
I always make one meal for the whole family even though we don’t have the exact same preferences. I have learned to put sauces on the side, make a couple different side dishes, and include optional toppings for things as a way of honoring everyone’s taste buds.
I’m quite the foodie; I love variety and trying new things, but not everyone shares that passion with me. So, I honor everyone’s taste preferences with compromise, optional sauces, toppings, and sides.
Slow Down
If those around you are eating quickly, not really conversating, or eating their meal mindfully you may find yourself mirroring their behaviors. However, there is usually an opportunity to recognize this and make the choice to slow down and savor our meal.
Remember that satisfaction comes from enjoying the eating experience and paying attention to the food. Try noticing tastes, textures, and temperatures. Don’t worry about eating more slowly than others.
Don’t Compete For Food
If your people tend to eat all the food, don’t eat it just because they might take it all.
For example, let’s say that your person is on a full-out ice cream bender. He (or she) is about to devour every drop of your favorite carton of ice cream, but you’re really just not that hungry. Don’t eat it if it doesn’t sound good to you. You can buy more.
Navigating life’s changes takes work. It requires good communication, prayer and trust. Learning a new way of viewing food, exercise and your body is no different. Managing relationships through your Intuitive Eating journey requires even more of those things! However, it is absolutely possible and completely worthwhile.
What has been your biggest challenge when it comes to relationships on this journey?
