We just celebrated Jacks first Birthday and everyone at the party was so impressed with the variety of foods Jack is able to eat and enjoy. I love when people get excited about how much he enjoys his food because I can take that opportunity to share intuitive eating and baby-led weaning principles with them. I then get to enjoy their aha moments and watch their faces flood with curiosity and excitement when I give them a glimpse of a world without dieting!
As adults we are bombarded with diet messages, food rules and fear-based information about body size leading us to believe that we don’t know how to eat, we can’t be trusted with food, and that our body is our enemy. It is easy to see how quickly we can lose our ability to eat intuitively and lose confidence in our ability to make choices around food. Therefore, it makes sense that when a pediatrician tells a parent that they need to get their baby on a feeding schedule or that they need to control how much their toddler is eating they follow the advice. Parents just want to do what is best for their kiddos and so they develop schedules and food rules for their children. Although the attempt to control the amount and type of food their child is eating comes from good intentions the result is often a child who has lost his ability to eat intuitively.
Babies are born intuitive eaters. They react to hunger signals by crying for the breast or bottle and they stop eating once they are satisfied. Children can become out of touch with their hunger signals when their signals are not responded to appropriately by their caregiver. For example, a baby is hungry and crying but mom is following a feeding schedule and so she “holds the baby off” by trying to comfort him in other ways or the baby is not yet hungry but it is time to eat according to the schedule and so mom tries to coax the baby to eat. This is very confusing for a baby, he may start to fear that he won’t be fed when he’s hungry leading to overeating or he may refuse to eat after being encouraged to eat when not hungry. A babies intuition about food can be lessened again as he moves into toddlerhood and is made to clean his plate, eat on a schedule, or is told that foods are either good or bad. Combine this with outside messages of diet culture and we have children who don’t trust their bodies, miss their hunger and fullness cues, don’t have an innate understanding of their food preferences and are not aware of how they feel when they eat different types and/or amounts of foods. Instead of the children reacting to their own physical reactions to the eating experience, they react to the external messages from their caregiver and diet culture. The result into adulthood is an unhealthy relationship with food. This doesn’t have to be the case, however. As parents, we can nourish our children’s relationship with food by encouraging them to rely on their intuition about food.
The first step to raising an intuitive eater is becoming one yourself. If you have not done that yet I highly recommend reading Intuitive Eating, A Revolutionary Program That Works by Tribole and Resch. I am also available for one on one coaching where we can build an individualized plan to develop and practice intuitive eating skills. Once you have a good grasp on the concepts of IE you can pass them along to your children with these three steps.
Know Your Role
Ellyn Satter advocates that it is the parents’ job to provide the food, and the child’s job to eat as much or as little as he needs. As the caregiver, you are their role model. Always stay neutral about food. Do not talk about food being either good or bad and do not pressure your child to eat or not eat a food. It is not helpful to force a child to eat a certain amount of food or bargain with a child to eat. Teach them healthful habits by modeling them in your home. Remember that children want to emulate their parents so if you share with them that you think a food is gross they may never be willing to try it. On the flip side, if you are open to trying new foods they likely will be too. Eat a variety of foods and enjoy food together as a family. It is important that children know that food is for hunger, satisfaction, and nourishment. Show them that you choose foods that help your body do the work it needs to and foods that feed your soul. Help your children endure their feelings and teach them ways to be comforted apart from food and do not reward your child with food.
Know Your Childs Role
Allow your child to trust their intuition. Children are self-regulating. A child’s intake will vary based on their growth and activity level. Children grow in spurts and so their intake may vary widely. Children also change food preferences often. It is common for a child to only eat one food for a week and then be sick of it and not want anything to do with it the next. If no big deal is made about these preferences the child will move on to eating other foods and eventually revisit foods.
Allow your children to develop autonomy. We all know about the two-year-old who wants to do it themselves. Although this can be time-consuming, messy, and often frustrating for a caregiver it is a necessary part of a child’s development. Once a child is able to do so, let them serve themselves. Over time they will learn what portion size is appropriate for them. Let your child say “no”, they will eat when they are hungry. Let them order for themselves at a restaurant and involve them in meal planning, grocery shopping, and preparing meals.
Allow your child to experiment with food. It can take 15 or more exposures to a new food or a familiar food prepared a new way for a child to try it. Do not pressure them to try it. Offer the new food with some familiars foods and let the child decide whether or not they are going to try it. Once they do try it they may lick it, put it in their mouth and take it back out, squish it in their hands, play with it and then taste it again. Remember that this is all a learning experience for them. If your child is fearful of new foods don’t push the issue and they will eventually come around. Remember that just like adults children will have foods they simply don’t enjoy.
Try Baby-Led Weaning
When I learned about Baby-Led Weaning (BLW) I was so excited to try it with Jack because BLWing principles lined up beautifully with the principles of intuitive eating. With BLW the baby is in control of how much he eats and if he eats. The baby sits with the family at meal times and joins in when he is ready. The baby is encouraged to explore food; squish it, taste it, and play with it. The food is offered in shapes and sizes that the baby can handle instead of mashed or pureed. The baby feeds himself from the start, instead of being spoon-fed. BLW keeps the baby in tune with his senses and gives him the space to decide on his preferences with food. Through this experience he stays in touch with his internal cues about hunger and fullness, his body-trust is strengthened, he learns that his food choices will be respected and a positive relationship with food is developed.
There are things to consider with BLW including; what signs of readiness let you know the baby is ready for food, what foods to offer, knowing the difference between gagging and choking and what to do when these things occur etc. If you are interested in trying BLW I strongly suggest reading Baby-Led Weaning by Rapley and Murkett. I read it when I started BLW with Jack and found it very helpful. I would like to note that I did spoon feed Jack some rice cereal and fruit and veggie purees sometimes. He would often get really frustrated when he was working hard trying to eat something but wasn’t able to get any of it. I found that he had a more enjoyable experience with food if I let him explore it on his own and also offered something on a spoon. I made sure to only put it in his mouth if he was leaning in for it.
Eating with Jack is my favorite thing in the whole world right now. BLW has been an awesome experience. Over the past six months, I have learned a lot about what works and doesn’t work for Jack. I get so much joy out of watching him learn especially when it comes to food. I have watched him learn how to hold food without squishing it, how to pick up little bits of food, how to move it around in his mouth, how to avoid gagging on pieces that are too big and now he’s learning how to use a spoon and drink from a cup. It has been so fun to watch him develop and experience all types of food. I am so happy to know that I am allowing him to eat intuitively and fostering a healthy relationship with food. I am so excited to continue to nourish his relationship with food and I want to know how you are nourishing this relationship with your children?
*For information about healing a battered relationship with eating for your child I highly recommend Intuitive Eating, A Revolutionary Program That Works by Tribole and Resch. They address issues with under- and overeating in children and learning intuitive eating in adolescents. The book is great for anyone who has lost their ability to eat intuitively and/or has an unhealthy relationship with food.
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